So, I seem to have abandoned this blog once I left ACC. I came back after stalking an online friend and finding her blog. It reminded me of this. I saw this blog a few times recently while I was being an egotistical bitch and Googling my username. I finally decided to return.
There isn't much for me to talk about right about. I haven't done too much. Currently I am on some forums and surfing the web as I talk to some internet friends on Skype. It's about 10:30 at night and I have my brother's graduation tomorrow morning. I've also decided I will dye my hair a dark blonde this week, but my aunt, who does my hair, is unavailable at the moment. She is out for my uncle's birthday. I'm a little nervous about how it will treat my hair, even though I plan on doing it gradually and with a cream developer in 20 volume. I'm also excited for the change. I plan on dying my eyebrows a bit later as well, and leaving my roots as I do not wish to burn my scalp.
Until later, if I remember.
Saturday, June 11, 2011
Thursday, July 29, 2010
A Midsummer Night's Nightmare
I passed math, which I had forgotten to mention before. My teacher used a more lenient grading system since I got higher than a 70% on the final, proving a learned enough. Of course, I never told my parents this. They were extremely disappointed in my grades, yet I was ecstatic for passing. At one point they even told me they gave up on me. Now that's in the past, though, and I hope to prove them wrong this coming fall.
That's not my nightmare, though. Today started out normally. I was playing my new Harvest Moon game my brother had gotten me for my birthday, and my mother said she want to try the Jet's deli boat. She and my brother looked it up to split one, and I ordered Chinese from a please nearby the Jet's so my mother could pick up both easily. Then, as we were relaxing, there was a knock at the door. A man was there, asking for my mother. When she came back in, the news was unexpected. Not only did he say our house is being foreclosed, but is being put up in a police auction tomorrow. We have six months to move out. All this time I thought my father had gotten a lawyer and was straighten things out, since the bank was charging us $10,000 because we couldn't make our payments while my father was unemployed and they wouldn't let the program go through were he didn't have to. That alone was tough and showed me just how little money we have, but even then we had a year. Now we have six months. I just don't know what to think anymore. It seems like a bad dream; like I'm rejecting the idea. Where will we even go? I know we could always move in with my grandmother, but that'd be crowded. Can we find an apartment we can afford? What school will I be attending now?
The man at the door was from an office that helps people keep there homes, but now that seems like it won't happen. He was here yesterday, according to a not. I guess my brother really had heard the doorbell. It's just too hard to believe we can keep this house. Now I even feel it's too early to take segment one and learn how to drive. How can we afford the $290 for it? After I get my license as well, how will I be able to get a car? That may seem rival, but how would I get to college? How would I get to the Teacher Cadet class my senior year? How can I get a job when my only options are places close by? In fact, the places close by will soon change.
It jsut feels like my world's falling apart, and I don't know if I can talk to anyone: my brother's begin distant, my mother's angry, my father's in denial, and I don't know if my parents want me telling anyone.
That's not my nightmare, though. Today started out normally. I was playing my new Harvest Moon game my brother had gotten me for my birthday, and my mother said she want to try the Jet's deli boat. She and my brother looked it up to split one, and I ordered Chinese from a please nearby the Jet's so my mother could pick up both easily. Then, as we were relaxing, there was a knock at the door. A man was there, asking for my mother. When she came back in, the news was unexpected. Not only did he say our house is being foreclosed, but is being put up in a police auction tomorrow. We have six months to move out. All this time I thought my father had gotten a lawyer and was straighten things out, since the bank was charging us $10,000 because we couldn't make our payments while my father was unemployed and they wouldn't let the program go through were he didn't have to. That alone was tough and showed me just how little money we have, but even then we had a year. Now we have six months. I just don't know what to think anymore. It seems like a bad dream; like I'm rejecting the idea. Where will we even go? I know we could always move in with my grandmother, but that'd be crowded. Can we find an apartment we can afford? What school will I be attending now?
The man at the door was from an office that helps people keep there homes, but now that seems like it won't happen. He was here yesterday, according to a not. I guess my brother really had heard the doorbell. It's just too hard to believe we can keep this house. Now I even feel it's too early to take segment one and learn how to drive. How can we afford the $290 for it? After I get my license as well, how will I be able to get a car? That may seem rival, but how would I get to college? How would I get to the Teacher Cadet class my senior year? How can I get a job when my only options are places close by? In fact, the places close by will soon change.
It jsut feels like my world's falling apart, and I don't know if I can talk to anyone: my brother's begin distant, my mother's angry, my father's in denial, and I don't know if my parents want me telling anyone.
Wednesday, July 7, 2010
Independence Day and Independence
It's a bit late for me to be writing about my weekend, but I'm doing it anyway.
My mother wanted desperately to go to the beach, so I had her take two friends and myself there Sunday. We had a pretty good time lying out in the sun and wading in the lake. Courtney and I were too apprehensive to go under, though. I had been to that beach many times as a child, but I didn't trust the water enough to touch my face. Besides, I didn't quite feel like redoing my eyeliner later. Instead, I floated about on an inner tube along with Jasmine, while Courtney was forced to make sure we didn't hit anyone. At around five p.m. we left the beach to go eat some grilled hot dogs, burgers, and corn at my house. My mother had asked if I wanted steaks and chicken, but I suggested we have an American meal on the holiday. Once we finished eating we wanted to see some fireworks, but unfortunately the fireworks show at the beach we were at that day had happened the night before, and all the other fireworks shows in our area had already happened except for one set that day, which was canceled. After looking it up online I discovered the closet one available to us was about 40 minutes away. Being spoiled my parents still took us there after I took a quick shower...er, a quick shower for me. Unfortunately, there was no exact address on the website and we ended up at a park with the same name, but 20 miles away, a fact we only discovered after my dad asked some local people. Somehow we made it just in time, and I am sure glad we did.
The show was amazing. We had a nice spot right in front of the boat that launched the fireworks by sitting on the edge of the boardwalk with our feet dangling in the water. Since this was on a river the fireworks were quit close. The fireworks displayed were also beautiful, and in the end my mother was glad for the drive. I picked up on that from the fact she was constantly exclaiming how pretty the fireworks were as they were going off. When the show finally ended we had to find my dad since he dropped us off while he found a parking spot. His directions were horrible, but he was by an elephant ears stand. Being the fatty I am, and loving carnival food so much, I ended up getting us some. It was delicious. Ont eh way home we took a more scenic route to see the beautiful homes. We dropped Courtney off and took Jasmine to my house to spend the night since my mother wanted to go to the beach again the next day. Jasmine fell asleep, but I stood up to watch Funny People, which was very realistic so I enjoyed it.
Monday was scorching with temperatures reaching int he 100s (that's about 37°C), but since we went to a beach on the same river we saw fireworks from it was easy to cool off. This beach was new to us, but we all liked it. The water was colder and had a strong current, but it was perfect for the day. The beach was also very clean and the water was beautiful blue. The only problem was the shoreline was full of rocks that dug into your feet, and the area was mainly full of rednecks and Arabs, something that just made me, a suburban girl, a tad apprehensive. I got used this quite easily, though, and the scenery was gorgeous. On the beach was a cute little lighthouse, and we weren't far from the Blue Water Bridge. In the end I had a great time and got a nice tan without burning.
After the beach we let Jasmine go home to change her clothes and then went since I complained about not having a shower. We spent the evening at my cousins were I saw my grandmother, who my brother and dad went to see yesterday and is currently over. As I said before in this blog, she's a stalker.
Sadly, my weekend wasn't all sunshine and rainbows. On Saturday my brother was talking about how in another year he'd be gone, and my mother basically said he couldn't live on his own. I believe she said this to keep him home, but I am not denying it will be very difficult even with the military paying for his schooling and the $27,000 he would be receiving from them after next summer. Anyway, this statement angered my brother and he went inside, slamming the screen. My father got upset and yelled at him to not slam doors, but my brother slammed it again saying, "I'll slam whatever the f*** I want." My dad then became very angry at his recent disrespect and a-hole behavior, saying he's kicking him out. Naturally, as I told my father, this was only said in anger. My brother took the note my father slipped on his door a little to seriously, though. He'll never admit it, but I heard it in his voice. That incident just farther strained their relationship, though, and now neither stays n the same room together. I certainty see where my brother is coming from, as I myself do not like my father, but his nervousness about the fact he's disqualified from the military for a heart murmur he doesn't have is really taking a toll. Obviously he doesn't have a heart murmur, but he must go back and prove he doesn't, and for some reason the test results haven't been received yet. Anyway, it's making this house pretty awkward.
Currently it's storming with the sun out, complimenting this recent weekend perfectly.
My mother wanted desperately to go to the beach, so I had her take two friends and myself there Sunday. We had a pretty good time lying out in the sun and wading in the lake. Courtney and I were too apprehensive to go under, though. I had been to that beach many times as a child, but I didn't trust the water enough to touch my face. Besides, I didn't quite feel like redoing my eyeliner later. Instead, I floated about on an inner tube along with Jasmine, while Courtney was forced to make sure we didn't hit anyone. At around five p.m. we left the beach to go eat some grilled hot dogs, burgers, and corn at my house. My mother had asked if I wanted steaks and chicken, but I suggested we have an American meal on the holiday. Once we finished eating we wanted to see some fireworks, but unfortunately the fireworks show at the beach we were at that day had happened the night before, and all the other fireworks shows in our area had already happened except for one set that day, which was canceled. After looking it up online I discovered the closet one available to us was about 40 minutes away. Being spoiled my parents still took us there after I took a quick shower...er, a quick shower for me. Unfortunately, there was no exact address on the website and we ended up at a park with the same name, but 20 miles away, a fact we only discovered after my dad asked some local people. Somehow we made it just in time, and I am sure glad we did.
The show was amazing. We had a nice spot right in front of the boat that launched the fireworks by sitting on the edge of the boardwalk with our feet dangling in the water. Since this was on a river the fireworks were quit close. The fireworks displayed were also beautiful, and in the end my mother was glad for the drive. I picked up on that from the fact she was constantly exclaiming how pretty the fireworks were as they were going off. When the show finally ended we had to find my dad since he dropped us off while he found a parking spot. His directions were horrible, but he was by an elephant ears stand. Being the fatty I am, and loving carnival food so much, I ended up getting us some. It was delicious. Ont eh way home we took a more scenic route to see the beautiful homes. We dropped Courtney off and took Jasmine to my house to spend the night since my mother wanted to go to the beach again the next day. Jasmine fell asleep, but I stood up to watch Funny People, which was very realistic so I enjoyed it.
Monday was scorching with temperatures reaching int he 100s (that's about 37°C), but since we went to a beach on the same river we saw fireworks from it was easy to cool off. This beach was new to us, but we all liked it. The water was colder and had a strong current, but it was perfect for the day. The beach was also very clean and the water was beautiful blue. The only problem was the shoreline was full of rocks that dug into your feet, and the area was mainly full of rednecks and Arabs, something that just made me, a suburban girl, a tad apprehensive. I got used this quite easily, though, and the scenery was gorgeous. On the beach was a cute little lighthouse, and we weren't far from the Blue Water Bridge. In the end I had a great time and got a nice tan without burning.
After the beach we let Jasmine go home to change her clothes and then went since I complained about not having a shower. We spent the evening at my cousins were I saw my grandmother, who my brother and dad went to see yesterday and is currently over. As I said before in this blog, she's a stalker.
Sadly, my weekend wasn't all sunshine and rainbows. On Saturday my brother was talking about how in another year he'd be gone, and my mother basically said he couldn't live on his own. I believe she said this to keep him home, but I am not denying it will be very difficult even with the military paying for his schooling and the $27,000 he would be receiving from them after next summer. Anyway, this statement angered my brother and he went inside, slamming the screen. My father got upset and yelled at him to not slam doors, but my brother slammed it again saying, "I'll slam whatever the f*** I want." My dad then became very angry at his recent disrespect and a-hole behavior, saying he's kicking him out. Naturally, as I told my father, this was only said in anger. My brother took the note my father slipped on his door a little to seriously, though. He'll never admit it, but I heard it in his voice. That incident just farther strained their relationship, though, and now neither stays n the same room together. I certainty see where my brother is coming from, as I myself do not like my father, but his nervousness about the fact he's disqualified from the military for a heart murmur he doesn't have is really taking a toll. Obviously he doesn't have a heart murmur, but he must go back and prove he doesn't, and for some reason the test results haven't been received yet. Anyway, it's making this house pretty awkward.
Currently it's storming with the sun out, complimenting this recent weekend perfectly.
Wednesday, June 16, 2010
Hello Summer
I sit here sippin’ my Pina Colada flavored Sobe and wonder just how my parents are gonna take the fact I failed Geometry. They’ll be angry, of course, but I knew about this for long enough to get over the panic of failing a class. I have even devised a plan to rise my GPA and not lose the half credit, but I am still worried about their reaction. They won’t be happy, for sure, but my subtle hints should be working on my mother. After my teacher emails me back and confirms my failure, I’ll be forced to tell my parents I failed. Part of me is still hoping for that crazy miracle that enables me to pass; for my math teacher to somehow “bump” my grade up. Sadly, though, the rational me keeps saying I screwed up and now I have to pay the price. It’ll take some fixing, but I can make this right. Straight As, some credit recovery, and good ACT scores should patch a lot of it up. That’ll make for one busy junior year, especially since I’ll be taking credit recovery after school if possible, and not over the summer. Should that fail I can always take a year or two at the local community college and then transfer over. In this economy, that’s not unusual. I just don’t like the thought of living at home for too long.
On a far lighter note, summer has finally arrived. Even though I’m sitting in sweats, my hair is a mess, my makeup looks blah, and my grades are horrible, I can’t help but be happy. Summer’s the time of relaxation; of fun. I’m determined to make this summer fantastic, despite this horrible year. I have my Sweet 16, 4th of July, sleeping in, and so much more to look forward to now. It’s like the storm is almost over. All I has to say now is good bye worries, and hello summer.
Monday, May 3, 2010
Math is My Worst Subject
I think there's something seriously wrong with me. I still can't get myself to do homework. Now I'm forced to get a 90% on both this quarter grade and the final grade to pass this semester of Geometry. Odds are that that won't happen, and my dad's gonna blow up in my face about it. I'm trying hard, and yet even now I'm not doing my homework. I even skipped fifth and sixth hour on Friday t delay a math test and to finish math homework, yet despite the fact I had all weekend I had to lie today to get one extra day. Why am I online instead of doing it, though? I also need to study. Many did not finish the math test Friday so my teacher had us finish it up today, and she made me start it. I had to skip so many. One thing I did learn was that my math teacher has been teaching us the most difficult way to achieve the correct answer. my brother, who is also in Geometry since he left the integrated program, showed me a much easier way to do special right triangles. Why has my class been doing it in such a complicated manor is beyond me. My math teacher also refuses to assist students. She'll explain how to do problems once and if you ask for help she tells you to look at notes or blames it on you not paying attention. She's not a good teacher at all. That's no excuse for not doing homework, though. I just wish I had a nicer and better teacher so I could actually learn the concepts we are taught. I guess it's off to credit recovery next year with my butt, or I have to go crazy this semster.
Sunday, February 21, 2010
Falling Behind
Lately my grades have been slipping. I find myself unmotivated to do my homework, despite the fact I know I have to. I plan to change this immediately. As soon as I go back to school Monday homework will become a priority. I will do it as soon as I arrive home, starting with my Honors Chemistry. I know I can do well in that class if I try, despite the fact I find it highly uninteresting. My main concern, though, is college o failing a class. How can I expect to pass Geometry if I never pay attention or do homework? I had no idea what or last test was even on. I don't want to get a report card with even a C on it. I really need to step up and take charge. How do I expect to be able to go away to college on my grades? I know I don't want to stay home, and the only good colleges that are far require better grades than my current ones. I'm really worried, and yet I keep putting of my homework I received over break. There's something seriously wrong with this. How can I be concerned and yet do nothing? It's like I'm purposely making myself fail.
Sunday, November 22, 2009
Missing Assignment
Today my father got an email update of my English grade. I'm missing one assignment and he starts yelling at me, saying I've been goofing off, sleeping too much, playing to many games and spending to much time with friends. I've only been to a friends house twice this month and I only play games about once every two weeks. I admit I sleep quite a bit, but I still get my homework done. As a matter of fact, I got a 3.6 GPA last quarter, which just ended about two weeks ago. But, no, according to him I'm a horrible student. When I told him it didn't matter and he tried to say it did I obviously asked for my overall grade. He wouldn't give it to me. This must mean it's good and if he gave it to me I'd win the argument. Then he brings up how I got a 47% the next day and won't accept that it's because I have no book and have no way to get to the library. I said that my mom never took me and asked if I should then have made one materialize out of thin air. When I said that he said he would've took me. Okay, but neither he or I have cards.
Of course I was yelling back at him this whole time, I mean, I was being attacked for such a petty thing. He then told me to stop back talking and basically said that he was right because he's my father. So being a father means you can be a *bad word*? According to my father it does.
My father mainly attacks me, too. Right after he stopped arguing with me he asked my brother if he did his homework. He got a little mad when my brother said he'd do it later, but he let it go and just said we're going to my grandmother's. Of course we are, my father's a mama's boy and needs to see her every day. My brother said he wasn't going because he had homework to do. My father then began to argue when was the last time we saw her. I said that she came over not to long ago, so my father comes into my room and yells at me again about going to see her. Then he brings the argument back to my missing assignment in English and the no book thing. He told me he would've gotten a card and taken me, and since I couldn't tell him I'd rather get a 47% than ride in a car with him, I just let it go and let him leave my room.
Now I'm close to tears of frustration from this whole thing. There's no getting through to him. He's always right and I'm always wrong. If he wants to argue then I get the short end of the stick. My brother's safe from this because he simply doesn't care if my father yells at him or not, but I'm not like that. I'll tell my father he's being unfair and he'll argue back that he can be since he's the father. That would only make sense if it actually helped me. I only do good in school because of my self-motivation to not end up like him, not because he yells at me if I don't. I could care less what he thinks; all I care about is that I don't become a lazy bum who dropped out a college.
This whole thing makes me remember back when I used to adore my father, but then I grew up and saw through all his lies. And that's not an exaggeration, my family actually lied to me when I was younger about what my father did to protect my innocence. I never knew why he was fired from TRW (which I can't say since it's inappropriate), that he never paid bills, that he's a bum, and so much more. Now that I do know, and now that I'm old enough to argue back to my dad I honestly can see he's my least favorite family member and that I could do without him. Most would say this isn't true, but I honestly hope for him to get a job as a truck driver and be home much less often and I try and avoid him at him by rarely leaving my room when he's in the living room. Not to mention all the times my mother and I rejoice because we get the house to ourselves. If only his income didn't matter, even though now he's on unemployment and waiting to get called back to his job, which won't ever happen. I saw the letter he got, saying he was laid of indefinitely. When I confronted him about it he said he wasn't fired and that he'd be called back. I guess sleeping all day and visiting his mom is much better than looking for a job. I mean, why should he when unemployment is obviously paying for what he needs?
Of course I was yelling back at him this whole time, I mean, I was being attacked for such a petty thing. He then told me to stop back talking and basically said that he was right because he's my father. So being a father means you can be a *bad word*? According to my father it does.
My father mainly attacks me, too. Right after he stopped arguing with me he asked my brother if he did his homework. He got a little mad when my brother said he'd do it later, but he let it go and just said we're going to my grandmother's. Of course we are, my father's a mama's boy and needs to see her every day. My brother said he wasn't going because he had homework to do. My father then began to argue when was the last time we saw her. I said that she came over not to long ago, so my father comes into my room and yells at me again about going to see her. Then he brings the argument back to my missing assignment in English and the no book thing. He told me he would've gotten a card and taken me, and since I couldn't tell him I'd rather get a 47% than ride in a car with him, I just let it go and let him leave my room.
Now I'm close to tears of frustration from this whole thing. There's no getting through to him. He's always right and I'm always wrong. If he wants to argue then I get the short end of the stick. My brother's safe from this because he simply doesn't care if my father yells at him or not, but I'm not like that. I'll tell my father he's being unfair and he'll argue back that he can be since he's the father. That would only make sense if it actually helped me. I only do good in school because of my self-motivation to not end up like him, not because he yells at me if I don't. I could care less what he thinks; all I care about is that I don't become a lazy bum who dropped out a college.
This whole thing makes me remember back when I used to adore my father, but then I grew up and saw through all his lies. And that's not an exaggeration, my family actually lied to me when I was younger about what my father did to protect my innocence. I never knew why he was fired from TRW (which I can't say since it's inappropriate), that he never paid bills, that he's a bum, and so much more. Now that I do know, and now that I'm old enough to argue back to my dad I honestly can see he's my least favorite family member and that I could do without him. Most would say this isn't true, but I honestly hope for him to get a job as a truck driver and be home much less often and I try and avoid him at him by rarely leaving my room when he's in the living room. Not to mention all the times my mother and I rejoice because we get the house to ourselves. If only his income didn't matter, even though now he's on unemployment and waiting to get called back to his job, which won't ever happen. I saw the letter he got, saying he was laid of indefinitely. When I confronted him about it he said he wasn't fired and that he'd be called back. I guess sleeping all day and visiting his mom is much better than looking for a job. I mean, why should he when unemployment is obviously paying for what he needs?
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